http://yeahisaidthat.com

Stuffing feelings down is never a good thing, they fester and mutate and often those feelings of anger, rage, frustration end up rearing their ugly heads in situations that have nothing to do with the root cause. Which, of course, in turn leads to more anger and resentment etc etc.

Learning to deal with these types of feelings is tough, especially if, like you Robyn, have been raised to hide what you really feel.

I know for me I go two ways. when I get into arguments with, I don’t know, like my brother or something, I get mad, he gets mad, we often say crappy things to each other but usually in half an hour all is forgotten. We get over things quickly and move on.

But there is another part of me that isn’t so much anger as it is sadness tinged with resentment and that I tend to try and ignore. Family issues like we all have, feeling like sometimes I’m not getting the support I feel I need, or even talking about how I really feel about things that hurt me. I hate doing that. I rarely do and I know that’s probably not a good thing but…it’s hard.

Communication is so important in any type of relationship but there are many different types of it. Some easier to do than others unfortunately.

I assume that it’s not only me who has a problem with being vulnerable. When push comes to shove I’m the one in the family that has to do the painful things. I have to be the strong one all the time. I don’t even know how that happened.

I had to be the one to tell my 11 year old brother and 8 year old son my dad died, I was the one that had to make all the phone calls to family and friends. I was the one that had to hold the dog down as they tried to stick a needle in her to kill her, which btw took like half an hour (terrible awful incompetent vet), and the other pets that had to be put down were all me too.

I love my family and I know everyone has their role to play but sometimes it’s just so hard. It hurts but somebody has to do it right? Besides I want to protect my family from these things anyway. Duty, love and resentment sometimes go hand in hand. I can’t tell then how truly awful it was putting Honey Bee down and how it was long and painful, I keep that to myself because, I don’t know, why make them suffer too, you know? So I let them think it wasn’t fine, she didn’t suffer. But she did and I think about it all the time. But I’m getting off track, again! As usual.

I dunno, I mean I am kind of an angry person, not at my family though, more at the world in general. I rant and I rave at the ignorance, indifference and callousness of people but it doesn’t ruin my life because those things I feel free to rant publicly about. As I’m sure those who’ve know me longer like Robyn already know That stuff i have no trouble getting off my chest

I really should stop writing at 3.30 in the morn, I babble even more than usual lol!

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SOMEONE ELSES FB FRIEND: I know when I’m going to die – http://www.deathclock.com/

THE SMART ONE (ME): Those death clock things freak me out, I have never done any of that, it just feels like I’d be tempting fate and fate can be a real bitch

Yeah, when it’s my time I just want them to cremate me too, I don’t even care what they do with my ashes. We aren’t big on funerals either. My my grandma and my dad died there was no fanfare, no church stuff. The close family got together at one of the family’s homes and that was that no big deal. Having to make so many arrangements, while I guess it gives some people comfort, it gives them something to focus on that’s just not the case in my family. Thank goodness because I would have had to be the one doing all that and I wouldn’t even know where to start!

Oh my goodness there is so much to think about when it comes to the afterlife. I am fascinated with all the different cultures and religions and I think my own personal spiritual beliefs are a little bit of a lot of ‘em. These views too though are often evolving in me.

And hey, FB FRIEND ONE, it’s great that you’ve been working on making your life better over this last year. I know it’s tough to make real changes and dig deep for the roots of stuff, so it’s a big deal and you should be super proud of yourself. You’re taking control of your life. Seems I could probably learn a thing or two

You rock! ·

FB FRIEND ONE: well yes if you think that way the deathclock is a bad idea… even without this fate thing.. if Law of Attraction worked (which i believe it does) then you will have in mind a date of your death, and so if you continue to think about it, even if you put it to the back of your mind, the very act of thinking about it will attract that very thing… unless you truly don’t believe in the death clock, then you will be fine :p

I don’t know what afterlife we get, I dont think anyone can know, I would rather not have to come back though, but even if i did at least I know i wont remember this life.. which in some cases kinda sucks.

i’ve been doing the root digging since from 2 years agoish now.. but this last year i made a physical move to Cardiff which saved me from drowning in the concrete city of Birmingham.. best choice i made.. I once thought I couldnt do it.. impossible dream.. but it was a belief i chose to believe to limit myself and keep myself safe… but I realised.. people move all the frikin time, and it was completely possible and doable..
yes i am very proud of myself ty Talia…you rock too ^_^

have you slept yet??

THE SMART (and tired) ONE: nope

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FB Friend ONE: does not everyone think about death everyday?

FB ME: I do. Not my death necessarily, but yes.

FB Friend ONE: i kinda meant your own yes. but just thinking on death in general surely will lead to thinking about your own anyway.

FB Friend NOT MINE: Not really , and when it does happen , I have no regrets because I am living the best years of my life and I make sure all the people I care about are part of it from time to time. Only one issue brings me down a little and that would be that I have not left my mark in the form of an offspring yet but hey , we can’t win all the time , so I am glad for the other successes in my life.

FB ME: I guess when I think about it I do think of my own. I worry what would happen to my son if something happened to me a lot. And you’re right when I hear about accidents or disasters and other terrible things it does make me think that could happen to me. No one gets up in the morning thinking this is the day they are going to get hit by a drunk driver, get squished in an earthquake or drop dead but it happens and i do think about that.

I didn’t actually realize how much I thought about my own death. It doesn’t freak me out or anything though, I am not scared to die, I just worry about my son and how he’d deal with it, like I said. Though the method by which I might die is scary, actually being dead doesn’t freak me out.

I know when my dad was dying what was hardest for him was thinking about how it would affect my mom and especially my brother, he was only 11. When he found out my dad had cancer he started throwing up. I can’t even think about it now. It was a bad death but dying wasn’t what scared him either, just what pain it would cause us. Sad.

Sadly unlike your friend above I don’t think I am living the best years of my life. I don’t really know what would make be truly fulfilled.

FB Friend NOT MINE: Don’t get me wrong, its always a concern about loved ones and how they will handle death which is why we have to prepare ourselves by putting our affairs in order so that they are take care of in the event we have too leave. Also important to explain the significance of death and life to them so that they will understand.

Most importantly , rather than spending too much thought on this , treasure the moments you have now with them and let them know you do.

FB ME: I can tell this is going to end up a rant so prepare

I think FB Friend NOT MINE is totally right but for me, it’s about so much more than just putting my affairs in order. I’m one of those moms who talks to her son about everything, it’s important to me that he knows the world as it really is, I didn’t raise him in a bubble. Not even close. Some would say that is terrible, I say that I want him to grow up to be a strong man who understands both the wonder and the horror of the human condition. I have files and files of horror and if it was up to me I would pack everyone in a room and make them look at them all.

I hate to think of Jake growing up as one of those people who simply look away from the awful things that happen all over the world. Nothing is more important to me than having people open their eyes and really look, look at the bodies piles in the streets, realize that they are people, not just bloated blackened corpses. They were someone sons, mothers, sisters and so forth.

Look at the towns in places like Bosnia that have been devastated by war. If no one is willing to suck it up and look at what is going on nothing will never change. I firmly believe that if everyone faced the world, really faced it, eventually progress could be made. It would take time but it would happen. But not if everyone is so squeamish. You think it’s hard to look at pictures of people rotting in mass graves? Imagine what it was like for them and what put them there. If they can live it, the least we can do is see it and look for ways, no matter how small to make a difference.

It breaks my heart to read, see and write about these things but I do it because it’s important. You don’t think I spend plenty of time in tears, I do, but it has to be done. And I am doing my best to instil this kind of thinking in my kid too.

I have talked to him about the possibility that something could happen to me. That’s part of why I think it’s so important to keep a good line of communication open with him and it’s worked out well. Putting off talking about the important things could mean they never get addressed.

I believe in teaching kids (age appropriately of course) about everything from relationships, sex and what it means not just physically but emotionally to both him and the girl he eventually gets intimate with, I talk to him about how women should be treated and how he deserves to be treated for that matter. I talk to him about infidelity and how things like that impact everyone and pretty much everything else under the sun.

He’s 14 now and just today I watched a show about little girls who are used as sex slaves in places like Cambodia and about the whole concept of sex tourism. I told him that if he learns one single thing from me it is that it’s our duty as human beings to stand up for what is right, no matter how hard it may be. No matter how much it hurts. I don’t believe in shielding children from the reality of the world in any way.

Again totally got carried away. I’m a little tipsy right now so that may explain it.

FB Friend ONE: I understand that FB ME ..even though I dont have a child..my only concern used to be my pets.. i was quite worried if anything happened to me, what would happen to them as they were so particular about things…

so until i get another pet.. i just worry about whos gonna have to sort through my things and dispose of my stuff! and uurgh hoping i just get cremated and not have people doing all that funeral stuff.
just throw me in the oven and go have a drink.. you know? i’d prefer that..may sound morbid but.. i never did like being the centre of attention

one of my old freinds wanted the whole spectacular horse drawn funeral carriage thing with flowers raining from the skies and people weeping and wailing in the streets.. O.o

thanks for sharing that about your dad, i do appreciate it, and i can understand that, when you have attachments in this life, of course your concerns will be with them.. as with you and your son, and me and my pets..

and hmm, i am not sure if I am living the best years of my life either, maybe the most transformative.. i know things could be better though, but i also know things could be worse and I have improved my life over the last year drastically, I think the change i made last year saved me from myself.

I dont know why you are talking more haha, but its good, i like talking and talkative people, its the best way to get to know others online :p

Oh and all that btw is not taking into account my thoughts of afterlife, and if I have to come back and do it all over again, because I think about that stuff all the time…

was funny, I read a monks blog entry not long ago.. where he was almost bragging it seemed that he wouldnt have to come back and he gets to escape reincarnation and be with his god haha.. made me laugh but, I was also quite jealous.

FB Friend ONE: wow FB ME. and this is one of the things I admire you for..

I agree with much of what you say.. and I am grateful there are people like you about, I also acknowledge that others have different ways to spread the message and change the world, but yes the awareness is paramount!

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This is my very first question of the day post and already I have two instead of just one!

I want to make a quick note letting you all know that I am actually looking for answers to all the questions I post in this section of my blog. I honestly don’t know the answers so feel free to reply if you know them, or if you want to leave a witty answer I’ll accept that too!

Numero ONE: How do you pronounce the name Piers? Is it like the word “pierce” or “piers” like the wooden things you walk on that jut out over the water?

Number DEUX: Why are barns so tall? Animals are always on the bottom floor and even taking into consideration a loft it seems like a lot of wasted space up there.

Thanks for playing today!

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About the questionable pics the Puerto Rican docs took in Haiti…

There is only one that I really think is bad, the naked patient one. Other than that I don’t see what the big deal is at all.

I can tell you in all honestly that if I spent the day digging through the rubble and the bloated rotting bodies trying to find someone alive, I would be hitting the bottle at night too. Who cares? What do people expect, they are in hell over there, they are going to do whatever they can to take the edge of the day. Yeah, they played with guns, who wouldn’t want to! I mean, seriously!

Obviously putting the pics up on facebook was pretty goddamn stupid, but if it weren’t for that one single picture it’d be ridiculous to make this such a big deal. Seems to me that people are focusing more on the fact they were drinking and smiling rather than the fact there was a picture of a naked patient on the table. WTF?

Here are the pictures of the Puerto Rican doctors getting their groove on in Haiti:

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No Plane Theory Party FIVE:

I don’t have any trouble believing that the planes that crashed into tower one and two were not commercial planes. I son’t have a solid opinion about that at this time.

Now, what I do know is that people make terrible witness, they get things wrong, mixed up, they automatically pick up what they other people around them saying and all of that becomes part of the truth. That’s why in trials eye witness accounts aren’t enough to prosecute and win in a lot of cases.

When they show the plane in this video it does look really gray, a dark gray but again, you can see it is in the shadows. Just before it hits the building the wing and tail goes into the sunlight and it isn’t so dark looking anymore.

Oh one more thing, they said they couldn’t have been planes that hit because there was no wing shaped crash to the building, I looked at other videos and images and I was able to see the planes wing slice into the building.

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Another important part of the whole abortion issue. A lot of women choose abortion because it’s the easy way out, or so they think at the time. It’s later when they realize that isn’t always the case at all. It can have a devastating impact on the rest of a persons life and you can’t turn back the clock. Once it’s done, that’s it and I think a lot of people don’t realize that at the time. Later though, it can be really painful, especially when people start having a family. That really slams it home.

And I get that people aren’t ready to have a kid sometimes, but just because you don’t get an abortion doesn’t mean you have to be a parent. There are a LOT of people out there who are never ready to really settle down and raise a child, there is nothing wrong with that at all.

It’s just that there are countless people who want a child more than anything in the world but who can’t conceive. I wish people would choose adoption over abortion.

The aftermath of abortion is a painful process for millions of people. But what really bugs me, as I said before, is the fact that it’s all about the women.

If you had wanted to keep that child and the girl was dead set against it and wanted an abortion, no changing her mind, she would have been able to get it anyway. That’s just not right. Men should have a say in what happens to their children too.

I also think that guys should talk about what it’s like for them. We hear about women who regret having an abortion but rarely about the men. They are out there though. Like you said, you have feelings about what happened, tons of guys do but for some reason it seems to be a taboo type of subject. Like abortion is something that only happens to women. It’s often traumatic for the fathers too, I think they need some support as well.

I could go on and on and on but I’ll shut up now

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MISSING: Susan Powell and the New-Found Power of Social Networking

The plight of missing adults is getting a bit of a helping hand now that we have things like twitter, facebook and other social networking sites and news sites. Now families and friends can take back at least a little control over the situation and directly reach the public and ask for help in finding their missing wives, fathers, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, best friends and other loved ones.

I was pleased to be a part of a media blitz that was held for missing mother Susan Powell. I tweeted, facebooked and all that in hopes of generating some new leads into her case. I am posting about her again today because unfortunately she is still missing.

There is one person of interest in the case, her husband Joshua Powell. Since she went missing on December 7, 2009, he has already begun the process of moving himself and his children from their home in Utah to Washington state. He says that he and took their two young children camping, leaving her behind at home. Why would you go camping in the cold winter weather? Good question, one the police have asked as well. He states that the last time he saw her was around midnight. Then she simply disappeared.

It’s a strange story made even more odd by the fact that he left town to go and visit family members in Washington for the holidays. His wife hadn’t even been missing two weeks yet. I can’t help but feel that’s telling behaviour because I know that if someone I loved went missing I would be out there searching the woods and anywhere else I thought there was even the slightest hope of finding her. I would certainly not sell my house either, I would be afraid to, it would be like giving up and I would never be able to bring myself to do that.

With all that said, it’s imperative that we all keep an open mind, at least to some extent. Focusing on one single person can be dangerous in a missing persons case. All angles need to be investigated, all people checked out. Things can sometimes look one way but really be very different.

Instead of focusing entirely on nailing Josh in Susan Powell’s disappearance, let’s focus on finding her and bringing her home to her family.

Anyone with information regarding the case can call West Valley City Police at (801) 840-4000. Please do not hesitate to call with even the smallest bit of info, you just never know how important that piece of the puzzle could be.

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Abortion. I don’t like it. I wouldn’t have any problem with it being made illegal. I am a woman but I don’t think that just because it’s my body I have the right to extinguish a life. As soon as I became pregnant with Jake my body ceased to be mine and mine alone. It became ours. Mine and his.

But one of the biggest issues for me in terms of abortion and the laws that currently exist is the fact that the fathers have virtually no say as to whether or not their child is aborted. The fetus is not just the womans, it is also the fathers and he should have rights.

If a man gets a woman knocked up and she wants to have an abortion but he wants her to carry the baby to term and give it to him to raise, I think she should have to do it. It’s only 9 months and it’s a consequence of her actions.

I was 17 when I got pregnant and it happened because I was being irresponsible. When you choose to have sex, you are also choosing to roll the dice. Even with protection and pills you can still become pregnant. If you don’t want to deal with the fallout then don’t fuck around.

I think the laws need to be made more father friendly basically. Just because the fetus is in her body doesn’t, well shouldn’t, mean she is the only one that has a say as to whether the baby will be born or not.

That’s where I stand, how about you?

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Part FOUR

I am going to start off with the fact that I don’t know which side the plane came from, there could be a possibility that it couldn’t be seen because it was coming low from the direction behind the twin towers. That would have made it impossible for the news anchors to see it. BUT then I see other video that shows “a missile” which I didn’t really see at all.

You know I am writing this as I watch right? Ok, cause I am.

Now in part 4 around the 1.00 min mark they kinda got me there, THAT part was pretty interesting. BUT I would love to track down the original source of the new video juuuuuust to double check that what this series is showing me has not been tampered with. See I told you I was cynical.

Aaaaaaaannnnd they lost me again. Now the practically invisible “missile” path has a new optical shape to watch and oddly enough it is a LOT clearer and more obvious than the one they showed at the beginning of the tape. Ugh I am confused, why didn’t they lead with that image? Are they saying that the government made it more noticeable to later pass it off as the plane?

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